martes, 19 de enero de 2010

!!!URGENTE!!! Christian Nymphos

Perdonen la osadía de no postear en castellano, pero esto es algo que le mundo debe conocer: Christian Nymphos. REPITO:

Bien. Mi fiel acólita Syl ha sido la proveedora de tan bienhallada fuente de incoherencias. Christian Nymphos (Lo siento, pero no puedo dejar de repetir el nombre. Hasta hoy, para mí era algo parecido a "judíos antisemitas" o "político honrado") es una página web en la que fogosas mujeres réctamente católitcas te proveen de las recetas para mejorar tu sexo en pareja.

Por si esto no fuera suficientemente desternillante, tienen asombrosas secciones como su FAQ, subsección "What do the different acronyms mean on your blog?"
  • * PIV = Penis In Vagina
  • * CN = Christian Nymphos
  • * OS = Oral Sex
  • * AS = Anal Sex
  • * MB = Masturbation
  • * DH = Dear Husband
  • * DW = Dear Wife

Vale. Si aún no te estás partiendo el culo en 40 cachos con una sierra de calar ocumen te recomiendo "Anal Sex: What Does the Bible Say?":

"The bible spells out many sins. God’s word tells us that adultery is a sin. It is even a commandment."(...) His word also tells us fornication and bestiality are sins." (...)The bible doesn’t, however, spell it out for anal sex. There are no specific verses that say that anal sex between a married couple is a sin. There are verses that deal with homosexuality, but not a married couple. I believe that if it were a sin, God would have included it in with the others He mentioned. But since the bible is silent on this issue, there is a debate among Christians regarding this.

Vale. Dios nunca ha dicho que el sexo anal en el matrimonio sea malo (este dios, siempre tan guarrete...); pero, por si acaso, pregúntale a la paloma: "This is something that you and your spouse will need to discuss and pray about. The Holy Spirit will convict you as to what is best for your marriage."

Pero mucho cuidado, por que: "If one of you has a history of deep porn use, where anal sex was depicted, then it’s possible that engaging in anal sex could become a slippery slope for you, and lead back into your old, sinful lifestyles. You’ll need to ask yourself: Will doing this cause me to lust for more or for others? Will it remind me of the pornography and cause me to revert back to that?"

Por poner otro ejemplo, tenemos también la sección "10 Ways To Embrace the Sexy Wife God Made You To Be", con divertidos puntos como:

1. Pray for God to give you His attitude towards sex. (This is the most important thing. Without it, the rest won’t matter) (Pues francamente,a mi lo de rezar me parece más bien no el plan be, si no el plan Z)

2. Wake up each day, look in the mirror and ask Jesus to tell you what is beautiful about you. (¿Y si te dice que nada?)

3. Make an effort to “think sex” throughout the day. (Yo no tengo que hacer esfuerzos, me sale sólo)

7. Ask the Father to give you the heart of the Shulamite Woman (for Him and for your husband) as you study the Song of Solomon. (Es la nueva generación de porno extremo: ponerse cachondo leyendo la Biblia)

8. Write your man a sexy note for him to find somewhere during the day; in his vehicle, in his wallet or in a bag he takes to work. (Cuidado con que la encuentre otro...)

Y el punto más importante...

10. Wear sexy panties.

Syl me pasa algunos comentarios sueltos:

De: "Premarital Sex: How Far is Too Far?"
"Boundary 1: If it isn’t seen in a bathing suit, it isn’t touched."

"This avoided all confusion about whether oral sex was OK or if it was OK for my boyfriend to fondle my breasts."

"Boundary 3: I will keep all kissing above the shoulders."

O de: "Instructional Sex Videos"

"Answer: I researched the Better Sex Guide DVDs and my initial impression is that it is probably best to avoid them. Here are my reasons:

1) In most cases, the actors are not actually married"

En resumen: esta página es una joya imprescindible que debe estar en toda linkoteca.

Seguiremos investigando...

5 balbuceos maníacos:

Syr dijo...

¡Otra mina! xD

Anónimo dijo...

Holy god! Our prayers have been answered
When do we have a section for the monks?
And most importantly, can we communicate with our fellow nuns to exchange views?

Las Botas Humeantes dijo...

Remember: it is no lust if you do everything with your husband!! XDDDD

T. dijo...

xDDDDD ¿Quién habrá hecho la página? ¿Una sola persona? ¿O varias personas poniéndose de acuerdo ?

Tiene su gracia, porque claro, te imaginas a varias castas esposas discutiendo si a su marido le dejan o no que les den por.....

Syr dijo...

Uy, y no te hace falta imaginártelo... echa un vistazo a los comentarios xDD Lo que más gracia me hace es lo de que aprueben los juguetes sexuales mientras no tengan apariencia de pene xD



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